D.I.V.O.R.C.E
I came across this article this morning. Very relevant to urban young married couples in Malaysia, however to what extent?
Scenario 1
A: G, kenapa talak tu tak diberi kepada perempuan?
Me: (yawn) haa...kenapa?
A: sebab kalau bagi kat perempuan, habislah tiap-tiap hari jatuh talak!
Me: Tau pun korang useless sampe agama pun kene bagi chance kat korang!
Scenario 2
My mom, right after my ijab kabul nikah. Whispering to my ear- " Lead your life with your heart and wit. I wish you a happy marriage but never afraid to walk out when its no longer right".
Divorce is like a taboo word in our society but I think its worse during the 80s. My mom, in 1986 made her decision to leave my father over irreconcilable differences and got lambasted by our family and relatives from every corner. The fact that she has a stable career, liberal and made the decision to walk out from a collapsing marriage led to our neighbor viewing her as "a woman meant for temporary fling". But that was then. Nowadays, peeps are more relaxed with the notion of divorce I guess. Except for some quarters who still believe divorce is a threat to the sanctity of marriage.
Oh yes, divorce is makruh according to Islam. This means it is a rule which Allah permits but which is best hindered. But why then Allah allows couples to dissolve marriage? Clearly, such safeguard is permitted within the boundaries of the sacred vow of marriage because human beings cannot be so sure that marriage works all the time. It can't. To those who have happy marriage what can I say, congrats! but to those who cannot solve their irreconcilable differences, who can no longer endure the wrath of their marriage in the form of abuses, marital rapes etc, isn't divorce a crucial last resort to help couples correct their mistakes, start a new life or secure justice?
Rather irritatingly, the article stated that in the rural area, divorce rate is low as the close-knit family are still able to offer advice and iron out the couple`s marital conflicts. Even if the finding is correct, why should the couple let their family meddle with their marital affairs in the first place? Since the couple decide to get married, why can't they sort out their issues together as adults and get professional help? My rather bitter experience with this kind of perspective is when my own relative choose to stay on in a marriage that not only does not work but also the mental abuse she has to bear everyday from her husband. "Dia panggil aku beruk, gee kadang-kadang betina bodoh...tiap-tiap hari kene tengking" She said in tears. When asked what her parents think of this, she said they asked her to be patient with her husband, he is after all a hot tempered guy and thus, the wife should tried her best to cool him down from time to time. My only advice, " Leave him," Her greatest worry, " How will I faced our family as a divorcee? What will they think of me? Her hyper-guilt machine wheeled on furiously as she cited her worries one by one. None of her worry has to do with not getting food to eat, or job to support her. More on public and family reception, boycotts or isolation because her husband are well-received by her family. He should win the Oscar for his potrayal of a caring loving husband. Actually my cousin should. For Special Effects Award. Because she covered her bruises and swollen cheeks excellently everytime she came down to Ipoh for a visit.
So, tell me, is the increase of divorce a good or bad thing? is it a sign that people lost faith in the institution (which I think is slowly increasing for the past years) or that people realized they can do something about their marriage if it is not working? Or is it a sign that betrayal, kecurangan, pihak ketiga (or keempat) is rampant nowadays?
Scenario 4
K: Don't you feel lonelier after marriage?
J: Yeah, sometimes. Much lonelier than before I am married.
K: Why get married then?
J: You tell me....! (Scratching his head)
Scenario 1
A: G, kenapa talak tu tak diberi kepada perempuan?
Me: (yawn) haa...kenapa?
A: sebab kalau bagi kat perempuan, habislah tiap-tiap hari jatuh talak!
Me: Tau pun korang useless sampe agama pun kene bagi chance kat korang!
Scenario 2
My mom, right after my ijab kabul nikah. Whispering to my ear- " Lead your life with your heart and wit. I wish you a happy marriage but never afraid to walk out when its no longer right".
Divorce is like a taboo word in our society but I think its worse during the 80s. My mom, in 1986 made her decision to leave my father over irreconcilable differences and got lambasted by our family and relatives from every corner. The fact that she has a stable career, liberal and made the decision to walk out from a collapsing marriage led to our neighbor viewing her as "a woman meant for temporary fling". But that was then. Nowadays, peeps are more relaxed with the notion of divorce I guess. Except for some quarters who still believe divorce is a threat to the sanctity of marriage.
Oh yes, divorce is makruh according to Islam. This means it is a rule which Allah permits but which is best hindered. But why then Allah allows couples to dissolve marriage? Clearly, such safeguard is permitted within the boundaries of the sacred vow of marriage because human beings cannot be so sure that marriage works all the time. It can't. To those who have happy marriage what can I say, congrats! but to those who cannot solve their irreconcilable differences, who can no longer endure the wrath of their marriage in the form of abuses, marital rapes etc, isn't divorce a crucial last resort to help couples correct their mistakes, start a new life or secure justice?
Rather irritatingly, the article stated that in the rural area, divorce rate is low as the close-knit family are still able to offer advice and iron out the couple`s marital conflicts. Even if the finding is correct, why should the couple let their family meddle with their marital affairs in the first place? Since the couple decide to get married, why can't they sort out their issues together as adults and get professional help? My rather bitter experience with this kind of perspective is when my own relative choose to stay on in a marriage that not only does not work but also the mental abuse she has to bear everyday from her husband. "Dia panggil aku beruk, gee kadang-kadang betina bodoh...tiap-tiap hari kene tengking" She said in tears. When asked what her parents think of this, she said they asked her to be patient with her husband, he is after all a hot tempered guy and thus, the wife should tried her best to cool him down from time to time. My only advice, " Leave him," Her greatest worry, " How will I faced our family as a divorcee? What will they think of me? Her hyper-guilt machine wheeled on furiously as she cited her worries one by one. None of her worry has to do with not getting food to eat, or job to support her. More on public and family reception, boycotts or isolation because her husband are well-received by her family. He should win the Oscar for his potrayal of a caring loving husband. Actually my cousin should. For Special Effects Award. Because she covered her bruises and swollen cheeks excellently everytime she came down to Ipoh for a visit.
So, tell me, is the increase of divorce a good or bad thing? is it a sign that people lost faith in the institution (which I think is slowly increasing for the past years) or that people realized they can do something about their marriage if it is not working? Or is it a sign that betrayal, kecurangan, pihak ketiga (or keempat) is rampant nowadays?
Scenario 4
K: Don't you feel lonelier after marriage?
J: Yeah, sometimes. Much lonelier than before I am married.
K: Why get married then?
J: You tell me....! (Scratching his head)
posted by GEE at 8:38 AM
5 Comments:
*scratching my head*
this is too adult for me to comment.
he he he.
scenario 4 is something i hear pretty often with my married friends. except union guy of course, he's happy. (heheh...caveat, sister).
"so apsal kawin cepat?" tanya si switters.
"ummm...booty call senang" jawab org kawin.
"itu je?" tanya si switters balik.
switters sangat berterima kasih pada lola.
and i'm sure glad none of my sisters are the submissive, docile type. they're similar to my grandma and dad in personality. which is great.
Mike,
Marriage -adult stuff? I thot its kid`s stuff judging from how married peeps act. :)
switters,
if union guy is not happy 4 having a kick ass wife like me, i will kick his ass now! and since u huv lola by ur side, u dont huv to give marriage any thot lar, beb! ;-)
marriage is a business. a lonely one.
it is a business if u look at it in a diff perspective. Ijab n kabul is actually a concept derived from the concept of contract in Islam i.e Offer and Acceptance.
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