MUSINGS ON MISYAR...

A very well known Profesor from University Malaya provoked our local Muslim community again with his proposal that the Muslims consider misyar marriage as an option. Misyar, an alien concept even to yours truly apparently is extensively practised in Egypt and middle east. The arrangement of this type of marriage is as follows-

1.Couple does not stay together.
2.Hubby is not financially responsible for supporting his wife
3. Intended to be temporary.

This proposal was made in the light of the growing number of andartus and single mothers in the country plus perhaps the recent price hike of two of our most important sources to survive- oil and electricity. Perhaps, just perhaps, this was made in good faith, to reduce the burden that most single but not available men/women who wanted to get married due to family, social or maybe sexual pressure. Just, maybe.

Historical records showed that this practice, a creation of a Salafi scholar, Ibn Baaz was practised during the times that people travel from one place to another. When they stayed longer in a certain area, they would get married to a local woman. After some time, he might travel again and leave his wife. The marriage would expire and he might continue the same practice in another place. Damn lucky.

Misyar is a temporary arrangement for both people who agreed to the marriage to legalise sex. That`s all. The difference with Muta'ah is only that Muta'ah will specify the time that the marriage will dissolve whereas misyar will not specify such information. A shi'ite friend claim that Muta'ah is more humane because it allows both men and women to give informed consent on how long the marriage should be and both can prepare physically and mentally before they officially split. It makes sense but Muta'ah is a creature of the Shi'ite school of thought which in Malaysia and other Sunni`s countries are not approved. Sunnis believed that the practise of Muta'ah was abrograted during the Prophet time whereas the Shi'ites believed that Muta'ah was banned by Caliph Umar and hence, deemed the ban as not authoritative. Interestingly, the Sunnis came out with their version of "temporary marriage" but with unspecified mention of the when the marriage will dissolve. Frankly to me, temporary means temporary. Be it misyar or muta'ah. The more you know of all this flexible rules of engagement with the less fairer sex, the more you are sceptical about the idea of sanctity of marriage, don't you?

I mean, circumstances or local culture i.e al-urf always influence the interpretation of Islam but within a very much patriachal context. Hence, explaining that such temporary arrangement is to accommodate men sexually seemed to be...absurd. I smiled wider at the very thought that men `s obsession with women is becoming more incredulous by the day. Its post-mod (we can argue on this, really), and here we are ladies, sexual reliever and fertile ground for men`s seeds.

What further irks me is that added opinion on this matter conclude another disturbing assumption- that such arrangement would also help unmarried women to settle down since the traditional way (I am not very sure which is now considered traditional) is likely to complicate matters. What is wrong if a woman choose to stay single or unmarried? Some woman choose to be alone and be alone they should. Some choose to date and see how things goes, and date they should. Some just couldn't care less about SEX because they have other priorities other than that. Does that make them lesser in front of Allah? I mean, our teaching clearly explain that every one is evaluated by God through his/her "iman". Not his or her marital status. A lot of people will say getting married is already half of Iman. But this to me is meaningless if in order to secure that promised greatness, you have to endure a lot of things that you don't actually look forward to.

I damn well have problem with how some scholars propose suggestions which they substantiate as valid and true to Islam teaching, when their suggestions are in fact not in touch with reality. Like what Farid Esack said, "We failed to make Islam socially relevant". Economic burden is real, but wouldn't it be better for the scholars to re-examine whether de-commercialization of marriage could possibly help couples to get married cheaply and could afford to sustain their married live later on? I mean, shopping for bunga telur can be an expensive affair nowadays!. Shouldn't they talk more about protection of woman under marriage then repeating on wife`s do`s and don't all the time during the kursus perkahwinan? If the problem of getting a partner who is "sekufu" or couple of inequal economic or academic status seems to trigger the suggestion for misyar in the first place, then should'nt the proposal be on how to eliminate stigmas about house husbands for instance or how husband and wife should work out this discrepancy together because wedlock, apart from legitimizing sex, I guess it is also about commiting one`s self to the bond, mentally, spritually and financially not just sexually.

Perhaps religious scholars should welcome the ever increasing number of professional women who some of them put "world peace" or "democracy" as the focal point of their life rather than "having twins or a bungalow fully furnished with IKEA furnitures" as a gift from God? Couldn't woman choose to be martyrs in their own definite ways, be it in social service, real estate, academic or medicine rather than succumbing to the popular generalization that women must be married to relive its sexual needs and to be under the protection of a men called husband. Before anyone says I am defying the biological attributes of a human being who needs companion and sex (in that order, okay?) let me just say no one says this particular matter is easy. Its all about choices that one made. But please, don't shove into our adult heads, that THIS is what we really need or rather what we have to have.

Licensing of prositution, I heard/read some said. And I have no qualms with that statement. Minus the need for qadi, witnesses and intention to marry- a men pay a mahar in exchange for an opportunity to bed a women who he will be calling a wife as long as he feels like it. When the time comes, the man will divorce the woman. I find it amusing that despite the noise the religious people is making about how the rate of divorce among Muslim couples is soaring high, divorce within a misyar arrangement is seen as perfectly normal. Sometimes, I feel Muta'ah arrangement is much more better because both partners could have a say on how to dissolve the marriage and hence give full informed consent.

so, single women who is very much happy now with your single life and doing what you are doing to gain God`s blessings, I don't see why you have to panic. It`s the men that should be panicking because their assumed surplus of sexual reliever are just damn empowered not to bother!

Further interesting reads are here, a bit here, here and here too.