Eid Mubarak and State of Mind

Aidilfitri this year was thickly coated in phlegm, dried boogers and a temperature of 39.5 Celsius. Not forgetting staying at home alone during 1, 2 and 3^rd day of the Raya because Union Guy had to go to work. Am I done with my festive whining? Hell, no. I called my friends (real and not the imaginary ones) who told me that they will be stuck in KL during Raya because of work and hoped that we could do some Eid rituals at my home only to listen to “Alamak, Gee, dapat jugak aku balik kampung, ni tengah on the way ni!”. I tried to blink away my tears. Unfortunately it didn’t work because there isn’t any. There goes my attempt at making this piece a melodramatic shit. I took out my thick blanket and parked myself on the sofa the rest of the day either sleeping, dreaming or letting the idiot box entertained me. When loneliness seemed a bit too much, I made prank calls to Union Guy until he himself found me superbly annoying or walked outside, enjoying the emptiness of the street in front of my house or the silence of the neighborhood. Wow, didn’t I wish for a world where I was the only living being around, a fantasy replicate from Stephen King’s The Stand‘s prologue? Loneliness is a state of mind, I told myself. Only then, it was a literal manifestation that I don’t need to philosophize the existence of loneliness.

When I finally get to go back to my hometown (Kuala Kangsar & Ipoh) on Friday with a semi running nose and an undignified craving for rendang and lemang, I was still unbelievably cranky and sober. It lasted until Monday, the day I went back to KL. I still couldn’t find the thing that could make me go Wow! or Wah! Until Union Guy asked me if I want to make any last stops before continuing our journey. I then asked him to stop at Novel Hut, a small used book shop somewhere near Jaya Jusco Kinta City. The last time I made my purchase there was in 1997, after I took my SPM result and it was in Yik Foong Complex in the old days. I would be buying my Pratchett stuff and Mortimer’s Rumpole series from the shop back then. Union Guy did some serious book digging and recovered a shabby copy of General Franco’ biography. “Interested?” He asked. He understands my fascination with dictators very well. They are smart and evil at the same time and in a very peculiar way, win my respect to some extent. I dropped some Banana Yoshimoto and Anita Desai‘s stuff that I was holding. I took the book to the counter, paid for it and start flipping through the pages on my way to the car. The change of mood was somehow fast and bizarre. I read the book out loud to Union Guy throughout the journey, only to stop for drinks or to discuss the paragraph that I just read. I reached home feeling a lot better with the biography read halfway through, on my lap. I don’t know whether the book made me happy (which will sound awfully strange) or the gesture of reading it and sharing the content with my hubby throughout the journey affects my mood. All I know, loneliness and contentment is not merely a state of mind. It’s a choice.

28.06.4.2:12

Donnie Darko is not the best SF film around and yet its haunting quality and multiple themes seduced me into multiple viewings. Released in 2001, the airplane engine crash plot was deemed a bit too much post-911. After 5 years, Malaysians finally get to watch the quirky movie yesterday night on 8TV.

If you think the movie sucks due to Frank, the ugly bunny or its confusing narration, I think the movie stands out as a film that is filled with a compilation of memorable scenes and witty dialogues. My favorite scenes are smurf thrashing talk, Donnie `s therapy session where Lily Thurman said “When the sky is opened, there will be no rules…” and also the cinema scene especially when the movie screened “Evil Dead” and “The Last Temptation of Christ” sort of represent the opposite polar of Donnie experience in the film and/or the underlying theme of the movie. As for the main protagonist (or antagonist, depending on how you see it), I don’t know who I admired most, Donnie or Jake, because both sort of melted into each other `s persona creepily. It’s kind of sad that I didn’t get to meet ANY bright but weird + insane guys during my school and campus years of Donnie Darko `s endearing quality (normally at this point, my mom is quick to add, “yeah…if you think axing a bronze figure and shooting people are endearing) or else, I would probably be more…insane!

The ugly bunny is actually a crucial character in the movie. In an Alice-in-The Wonderlandisque, it woke Donnie from his bed and became his guide (if not a nice one) in the tangent universe. I guess Richard Kelly in one way or another was inspire by the Lewis Caroll 's classic. The golf course seemed to match the rabbit hole whereas the scene where Donnie sees Frank in the mirror seemed like a twisted reinvention of "Through the Looking Glass".

In the Director’s Cut DVD (which mom bought in the U.K) has director Richard Kelly detailing his metaphysic approach to the movie. He raised up the idea of alternate universe and how people like Donnie were meant to seek for truth and unravel the whole mystery before the foretold cataclysm take place. Donnie was referred to as the "Receiver", controlled by the master force to deliver the "artefact" (which in this case the plane engine which dropped and travelled through the wormhole) to its righful place before the tangent universe collapse. That includes going back to where it started and died from a crashed plane engine? Sounds crazy? Tell me about it.

The movie although at the outset suggests that Donnie is psychologically troubled, it also does not dismiss that fact that probably he isn’t. Hence, Donnie has to live the bitter real world full of conformed ideas that‘s easily compartmentalized into fear and love and at the same time, receiving instructions from his ugly bunny-friend, Frank to do mischief in an alternate dreamy world where perhaps Dali would appreciate in his painting. The movie was a sleeper hit around the world as young people connect to the taste of teenage angst abundant in the movie. It became a cult among teenagers in the U.S and U.K because of this connectivity and its unsettling plot attracts multiple interpretations from viewers up to today. In short, it’s a wacky movie, rewatchable and haunting.

Well, 8TV, how about screening some of Richard Linklater’s films especially Waking Lives or After/Before Sunset/Sunrise (I always mixed the two). That would make me happier!

This is one of my fave dialogue...

Donnie: "I could spend my whole life debating over and over again, weighing the pros and cons, and in the end I still wouldn't have any proof, so I just don't debate it any more. (Laughs) It's absurd."

Dr. Thurman: "The search for God is absurd?"

Donnie: "It is if everyone dies alone."

Public Inquiry

"Was the crowd unruly?"
"Yes".
"Why did you disperse the crowd?"
"Because of security",
"Have you come across violent public during assemblies such as this?"
"No, but I anticipated that public can turn violent,"
"Based on what,"
"National security,"
"Do you have criterias on what amount to national security?
"If there is unpleasant action or words toward others,"
"In other countries' jurisdiction, peaceful assemblies are allowed sans permit. Public need only to notify the police about the assembly so that police could be present to control situation and traffic, do you think such exercise can be done here?"
"No, it all comes to national security,"
" Do you think our society is not ready for such exercise?"
"No,"
" We are not matured enough?"
[Unaudible]
"Do you recognized freedom of assembly as a public right?"
"Still subject to security,"

Public Inquiry on Bloody Sunday is now being conducted by SUHAKAM. Today, FRU personnels and some senior officers of the police force was brought before the tribunal to be answerable to their (mis)deeds during the oil hike protest in KLCC recently. Compared to court cases, although the party founded guilty or to commit wrong will not face punitive consequences, public persecution and humiliation is always abundance. However, the whole point of a PI is to dig the truth and name the perpetrators while at the same time, recommend changes on how things can be done in the society without jeorpadizing the public`s rights. Kudos to Dato' K.Vohrah for giving fresh meanings to impartiality and fairness. The FRU personnels and police force brought to the dock were all cautious and answered each question with soft voice and calculated answers. Meanwhile, inquiry resumes later at 2 pm.

Stats Discontent

Why the huge brouhaha over ASLI findings? It’s not like ASLI found out that Malays are losing its share of equity or doing poorly in corporate, it was vice versa.

Statistics are frightening when it attempts at revealing truth. Especially if it contradicts the generally accepted numbers. 45% is threatening at the moment. 18.9% is a defense while 30% take a back seat. 45% is not glorified at all although figuratively, it is a much bigger fatter number. Sometimes, people want statistics to remain stagnant, lower and small. Especially if statistics ensure that the cake is yours for years to come.

Sadly, the cake was unevenly distributed. A bunch of oligarchs might get full access to the cake but not the urban poor or the remotely poor, the ones with no “kabels”, the ones who lack PR skills @ weak at “mengipas” …these “marginalized groups” are not accounted for where the 18.9% or 45% is concerned. Subservient to the feudalistic nature of State policies, bank accounts and mega projects, don’t talk about wealth distribution with “the marginalized”. You will only be in for a hundred page long account on what has not been done by the State as opposed to what has been done.

Hell, to determine which of the statistic is ASLI (pun intended), the State needs to be transparent with its record of “numbers”. Or is there any problem with barring all especially if all the records reveal how the cake was dominated by a certain elite bunch?

Glossary
the cake= mega projects, tenders (small, medium or big), APs, profits, share/stocks...

Going to Geneva feels like "balik Kampung"...

2/10/06 : "Oh gee, it seems like you' re up for Geneva".
4/10/06 : Hop on Emirates, stopped at Dubai, switch to British Airways at Heathrow....
5/10/06 : Hearing in front of UN CRC Committee ( Don't ask me for leaks, it was a private affair)
6/10/06 : Hop on British Airways, stopped at Heathrow, switch to Emirates at Dubai....
7/10/06 : Arrived in KLIA with a bemused look and overwhelmed feelings.

Like majority of peeps that caught the so called "cockney" bug would exclaim..." That was bloody fast, ".

Did I get to see the high fountain at Lake Geneva? Nope, and I was just at Palais Wilson where the hearing took place.
Did I get to visit the museums, I read somewhere there is a contemporary art museum located in the small city. of course, not.
Did I take pictures? Yes. 5 lousy copies of me either A; painstakingly trying to take a pic of myself while at the same time, balancing myself and ensuring the background was still at the err..back.. or B; asking some locals who walked passed me, who was on a hurry and who took my picture just for the sake of taking.

Nightlife? What do you mean nightlife? The shops except for the bars and pubs lasted until 7 pm. In fact, I was consumed by the tension and pressure of the hearing that I was weary and weak after the whole affair and went back to my room and zonked before 11 pm.

Did I buy a cuckoo clock? I wanted to. Except my swiss francs and euros depleted by the moment due to expensive cab fares, meals and homemade chocs. A trip to Geneva and my mid-month account balance was a match made in hell.

What, then made the trip AT LEAST, something to remember?
Bernina Hotel was a nice comfy small hotel,
Tau, the cab driver was informative, funny and shared some very sentimental accounts of his Kampuchean roots,
The UN Human Rights Commission Office was cool and the CRC Commitee consist of very interesting people with a knack for killer questions beginning with the word 'Why...",
The weather was damp, cold and melancholic but I love it. Actually, I always wanted to experience Autumn in an European country,
The taste of hot chocolate melting in my mouth made me felt warm, sexy and jovial all at the same time. Not forgetting, extra kilos to boot.

But, like what some of my hubby`s friends commented on my trip, " Cepat giler, macam balik kampung jer...".

I lost my passion until...

Cendol and Laksa! I didnt update this blog for a while.
What happen to my passion in writing, investigative journalism, yummy gossips and voyeuristic tendencies?
Well, it is still THERE but what I need is a bit of motivation to write again.
What motivates me? New faces that I get to meet and know from the Amnesty International Workshop on Economic, Social and Culture Rights yesterday.

Not just cute sexy and attractive, but ones who walk the earth with great brains and great interest in human rights.

Cool. Not that I have anything against plain looking human rights activists or social workers like yours truly, its just that those young people that I get the chance to facilitate yesterday were almost perfect peeps. Why would they bother to get headaches and heartaches over other people` s bloody shirt or empty pockets?

:A light bulb appeared on my head: You don't have to be sufferers to feel the suffering of others.
Yeah, could be. Look at Lenin discussing revolution at posh cafe. Recall how the middle class always is the more observant sector of the society ; " Look! there is a kid selling matchsticks, Sob! lets lobby for a more just distribution of wealth". After a while, you get Social Contract, The Prince or Republic.

Coming back to the workshop, I am happy to say the world would be saved by a bunch of cute humble brilliant youths with a big heart!

That should get me all pumped up for a second posting within the next 5 seconds!